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A few weeks ago I tested positive for COVID on one of those home tests. My symptoms were really mild, to the point at first I thought it was a false positive and even once it started kicking in t wasn't much worse than seasonal allergies and a night of not sleeping well. Just as I was getting over that though I had some rather tough cognitive issues. Making mistakes at work, trouble making the words go even more than usual, forgetting I’d put dinner in the oven and letting it burn, all that. Anything that required any brain function at all, it seemed like I was fighting through a fog to do the steps. It almost felt like a concussion, though I’m certain I’ve not hit my head so didn’t think I was.

I use past-tense because this morning it's finally easing up. Still there but it's mud up to the ankles rather than the thighs, if that makes sense. I'm writing this after all.

Turns out this is a not-unheard-of symptom as people are getting over COVID, even from really mild cases. And the concussion analogy isn’t entirely unapt: for some people the disease makes parts of the brain have mild swelling, even when the disease itself doesn’t impact the brain, so it kind of is like a bruised brain without the head-conking. Thank goodness for that! Because on top of being inexcusably stupid this last week, I was frustrated at myself for it all. I mean, I'd had such a mild case compared to everyone I knew, and I just couldn't handle it all; how pathetic, etc. (That's my headspace, not the reality.)

It does explain an awful lot about the American culture these last few years, though. If even a small portion at any given time had this level of brain malfunction, then either being frustrated with themselves or displacing that on everyone else? And the way we moralize illness so much around here, like it's a personal failure? Well, it makes me a lot more sympathetic toward us all, because this is a lot to deal with, and right when you think you're through with the disease and should be getting back to normal. Sheesh!

PS- I shared this on Tumblr but don't think I ever did here. I was feeling a bit isolated and needed something to hug (because of all the quarantining), so I bought a new Friend off Amazon in the form of a seal-shaped pillow. He's grumpy-faced, fat and so very very soft; just what I needed.

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I'm curious... has anyone been following news of Amazon's "Rings of Power" series? Vanity Fair has an article out about it with enough spoilers to give any hard-core Tolkien fan a bad case of the heebie-jeebies, I think, but also a frisson of excitement that this could be very cool. Or at least very big.

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2022/02/amazon-the-rings-of-power-series-first-look

spoilers )
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There are still officially fifty-six minutes left in the Fifth of February. "Enjoy."

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The long-promised snow finally hit New York. The view from my window is under the cut, but suffice it to say: brrrrrr; and *boing* (worse than the cold it looks slippery).

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They're promising up to two feet here but I got groceries delivered earlier so I'm well set to stay inside for a day or two. The Kid is up in Boston which is forecast to get hit even worse. But she also has her own Instacart order so shouldn't have to venture out even to the cafeteria if she doesn't want to. It's a good weekend to stay in and chill out. There's the only rub: it's costing me a weekend, and I was looking forward to getting out and having a bit of fun, even if just a movie or a sit-down meal at a restaurant. That doesn't seem in the cards. But I'm mentally a bit worn out anyway (nothing horrible, just too much work and stress and not enough fun and sleep), so maybe being compelled to stay in isn't the worst thing.

The big news in Minas Marta lately is I got a new laptop. It's clunky and heavy but with a case meant to last: good quality keyboard, strong screen hinges, all that. Which means it's taking some getting used to but ultimately I think it will handle the rough handling I put my machines through. In a typical move I renamed it something Tolkien, but in a less-typical step I reached for the First Age. One of those alternate elf-names I always found a bit offputting in Silmfic because it seemed a bit excluding (probably unintentionally): Makalaure.

What's this all about? For those of you not on Tumblr (which is all of you), I recently was musing about Maglor in LOTR-era Rivendell, being utterly raucous and uncouth after centuries spent traipsing through the wilds; and maybe having a hand in writing BIlbo's unfortunate Earendil song. It was a passing thought, but then someone made a (to my mind) unfair criticism that Maglor was a murderer so should we really imagine him having that domestic afterlife with Elrond of all people. Which just gave me the opportunity to dig a bit deeper into his story. (You can read the exchange here, if you're interested.) The bottom line, though, is I'm reminded that I like morally complicated characters with a good core buried very deep down that makes them still redemption-worthy, even if all the layers on top of that makes them redemption-difficult; there's the challenge, I guess. And while Maglor was never someone I thought a whole lot about, now that I have, he's kind of grabbed my readerly sympathies by the throat.

It makes me want to dust off that WIP about Maglor's and Maedhros's "fostering" of Elrond and Elros. Not promising anything. I'm still not sure I have the courage to not be all wishy-washy with a difficult story, but I'm feeling more driven to give it a try. Certainly it has me privately imagining quite a lot about him.  But that's where my head is, and so that's the name my new machine demanded for itself.

Anywho. Stay warm and safe if you're affected by this latest storm.
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Not sure why this is so funny, but it really, really is.
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In honor of a certain someone's birth-anniversary, have a read about inventors of languages, both the nerd-hobbyists who do it for fun and those using them to make communication easier (think Esperanto) or just understand more about how words work.

I suspect he'd be more than a bit insulted by the implication there was anything "just" about people engaged in wordscaping for the sheer joy of it. Though maybe he'd put himself in the latter camp, folks using invented language to understand natural languages better. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure he'd have Opinions with a capital 'o'.

https://slate.com/technology/2019/10/conlangs-klingon-taensa-invented-languages.html?utm_source=pocket_mylist
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I'm having a bit of a low holiday. I know I've not ben around here much and I'm hesitant to lead off with a detailed rehashing of just what makes it all a bit hard. But I'm especially thankful just now for folks whose stories and values and what-not come closer to my own. Friends rather than families, and friendships built around shared passions and hobbies particular. It makes me miss you and wish I made more timet to spend around here. I hope you're all having a nice holiday.
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Many happy returns to two very special hobbits! Try not to insult your party guests too much (a tall order, I know), and should they press too close, remember that magic rings are more than just a convenient means of escape.
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A very happy, holy, and above all healthy day to all who celebrate it. May you find the best kind of rest.



Because I'm lucky enough to have a job with benefits, today was a paid holiday from work, meaning I had an extra long weekend. So I went down to Brooklyn to the closest thing we have to an actual indoor shopping mall on the theory I might be able to do some in-person clothes shopping. Unfortunately the few clothes stores that reopened either don't have plus size clothes at all or have a combined women's section that has maybe 1-2 racks in that size range. I've also been leaning toward buying a new laptop so thought I'd brave the sales, but for whatever reason I ended up being overwhelmed. I'm not sure if it was the crowds or not being able to research online, or if I'm just not ready to pull the trigger. But I didn't do that, either.

Then I went to the supermarket (a proper mammoth-suburban supermarket!) across the street, and found some Crystal Light drink mix in unusual flavors. Yes I still need clothes and want a better laptop, but emotionally, I scratched the same itch for less than $10, so that's not nothing.

And then-then, I went to some socially distanced, outdoors Rosh HaShannah services down in Prospect Park. It was actually pretty good- they set up "pods" for about 4-6 folks situated around a speaker and lots of apple and honey sweeties, so you got to be a little communal without being packed with several hundred folks. The couple I was sitting by had a puppy and it turns out he will become friends with anyone in exchange for belly-scritches, at least for the afternoon.

Now I am back home and properly tuckered out. How did I do this out and about thing every single day of my life? It seems unlikely.
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One of these days I'll check in when we're not in the middle of extreme weather, I promise.

Currently the little man in my phone is warning about a simultaneous tornado watch and flash flood warning, but as I'm safe at home and don't have a lot of rooms to choose from, the best I can do is stay just where I am. It's actually kind of romantic in a Jane Austen sort of way. There's something about being in a city in an old apartment building full of other people that makes you feel oddly invincible against weather. What else can I do differently, and if something happens it won't be just me, etc.

I'm fine, so far as I know. Hope you all are, too.
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My city is getting soaked by the Henri storm. I am safe and at home, and simply because I'm not able to go out, wanting to do it very badly. It's been a weekend of sitting by my window and watching the rain fall in droves, and wondering would it be so bad really if I made a dash for the store up the block?

(The answer being: yes. I am dry, and outside is most definitely not.)

The big problem is house-internet is out so I only have my cell phone . I do most of my interneting off my laptop, and it is driving me crazy just now. Still: I am safe. I am dry. I have no real shortage of food or water or other necessities. I am fine, even if I have to keep reminding myself.

Hope the rest of you are safe and dry, and only minimally inconvenienced by it all.
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I got my first COVID jab! It's a bit uncomfortable but not too bad, certainly no worse than a flu vaccine. Definitely worth it just to feel like I have a plan to get back to normal and am taking steps in the right direction.
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I've decided I'm finally going to turn 38. See, last July we were in the height of a pandemic, and literally nothing fun was open so it didn't really make much sense to celebrate. It was also around that point of the quarantine I refer to as time soup, when it all seemed like this amorphous blob of one day melting into the next, even to the point it was hard to think of anything I wanted. I was probably a wee bit depressed (weren't we all), and as the only people locally I'm really close to are the Kid and Chava (her mum) and they were all a train ride away, it was hard to even get together and celebrate.

So because I am nothing if not overly rational, I just didn't have a birthday. I told myself I'd have a celebration in whatever month things opened up again. I honestly thought it would be August or September at the latest, but that obviously didn't work out. HOWEVER, I will be exactly nine months into my thirty-eighth year this next Monday, and the museums are open again. They're closed on Mondays but I nabbed some tickets to the National History Museum for Wednesday next week, and so the three of us are all going to play hookie and watch IMAX documentaries bout planets in deep space and look at woolly-mammoths and whatnot, and probably get some kind of cake at one of the newly opened to indoor dining delis.

All appropriately socially distanced from other groups, wearing our masks, etc. The NHM is even within a long walk of my current plac so I won't have to brave the buses. So it's a pandemic cheat day, but not too much, and by golly we need one at this point so we can go back to being responsible for a while longer. That's what I tell myself anyway.

So a very happy early un-birthday to me (to you?) to me. And the rest of you all as well.
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You know what's a wasted skilll these days? Handwriting. Not just cursive-font but any kind of handwriting. Truly: I have a box of pens by my microwave, because I write things so rarely, I inevitably lose a pen by the next time I need it. I bought them shortly after I moved to the new place in October and it's still half full because the only thing I ever write is my rent check each month, which doesn't accept electronic payment. Literally everything else is typed.

It's a shame, because I actually do have decently nice scrit when I take the time to do more than chicken-scratch.

Ah, well. There's your observation for the day. Everyone who said you needed to learn cursive and people woul judge you by your ability to write nicely and neatly? I name thee purveyor of LIES.

(Also: Happy Easter/Passover to those of you celebrating it and a good nearly-weekend to the the rest of you happening froods.)

(Also-also: I don't know why I'm so perennially exhausted, but that doesn't mean I don't think of you lot regularly. Tumblr is easier because you don't actually have to put much into it, it's very low-key and quick. But here it feels like I actually have to make the words go, which seems beyond me most times these days. But I miss hanging out here and hope you all are doing well.)
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Yesterday I got to see Chaos Walking in an actual cinema, and in IMAX no less. It's been pretty well panned by the critics, but I found it really interesting. I guess this is what I love about good science fiction- it gives you a set up that lets you step outside the usual way we think about ethics and the way we assume life ought to work, and pose those questions in a fresh way. It gives us permission to think outside the box I think, and for me at least this movie definitely did that.

The basic premise is that humans flee earth to colonize a foreign planet where there's a natural phenomena that basically broadcast's peoples' inner thoughts. But only for the men. So there's some fascinating world-building on just what it means to be masculine in a situation where there are no secrets and where this lack of control is particular to the men. It also looks at life in poverty , why people are impoverished. Because for the main characters life is a bit "nasty, brutish and short", but ther's enough glimpses at people living a different kind of life, both settlers in other settlements and in the new settlers coming from earth to make you think about why life is like this for these people in particular, and why they tolerate it or aren't able to do anything but tolerate it. Some other questions, too, which I can't really explain without giving too much away. Suffice it to say I found it thought-provoking and relevant without coming off as preachy, and even though I didn't have many answers at the time the movie ended, I really enjoyed having the space to live with the questions.

Plus you have Tom Holland, Daisy Ridley and Mads Mikkelsen all in the same production, which is great fun for any fantasy lover. On top of which you have David Oyelowo, who I don't think of as a fantasy star but he's a longtime favorite actor of mine and he doesn't get much screentime in most major movies because he's I believe British rather than American (and, you know, not white) which means American films tend to not make much space for him. But he has such a great presence of him, I loved him as Javert in the BBC Les Mis, and so I was really pleased to see so much of him!

Made me want to read the books, but who knows when I'll find the time to do that. I do hope the movie succeeds as well as anything could "in these trying times," critics be damned.
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A few weeks ago there was this meme-mem-meh going around where people who liked to go outside shared photos. I am a people, and I do like to go outside, but it's (a) New York, which means it's dark before I can stop work (not the best for photos), and (b) for me the joy of outside is getting around to the shops and around people, not necessarily nature.

However, we are having a bit of weather today, and if that's not an excuse for the view outside my window I don't know what is. The mayor closed streets to non-essential traffic, which if my little street is to be believed, people are following with ... varying degrees of compliance. But I have my hot cocoa and my cinnamon raising bread to toast and no reason to go otside, so I'm good.

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This all reminds me of one of my favorite old commercials, so I'll just drop that in as well.

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Stay warm, little Shirelings.
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I'm in a bit of a funk, writing-wise. I actually made a new-years resolution to write at least a story a month, and even if it works out as well as all New Years resolutions do, I think the spirit of it is something I'd actually like to follow through on.


Sherlock is the natural starting place. Most fic I read these days is in that fandom, and I've always felt I could make more of a contribution there than I have given all the fanworks I've enjoyed. But when I sat down to write, I found I just don't have much of a feel for the story they're trying to tell. I've just lot the point of it all; or maybe I've listened to too many people who each think it's an entirely different story. It's not even that I think the canon went wrong in a definite way and needs fixing. I've just lost the plot of it all.


ACD-canon is attractive, too, but as a writer I've always wanted to be in kind of dialogue with the themes and canon and whatnot, and the ACD fandom seems to have taken the Marry him, kill him, or do what you will to heart in a way I don't feel quite at home with. Not that they're really wrong- Doyle himself was so haphazard, I'm not sure what he was trying to accomplish beyond the money. Plus, so much of the Doyle fandom really knows their Victoriana in a way I simply don't, and I'm not even sure how to begin educating myself. It just seems like so much work to write in that period, and I've only ever managed to do it clumsily when I've tried.


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I've been thinking a bit about the slightly Pollyanna-ish blog posts and news articles I'm seeing about how we've almost survived 2020 and 2021 will be so much better. I don't think it will be like flipping a light-switch, and I don't think everything will be okay, but I do have a bit of cautious optimism.

COVID-wise, I think we're finally turning the corner, at least with the strand we've been suffering under since last March. (Godspeed, Brits and everyone living Brit-adjacent lives...) We're not there yet, but I think we can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I may be able to see a movie in person again one of these days.

(Don't tell Dr. Faucci, but I actually did when I was down south last week. Goodness, how I miss them.0

Not that it at all is worth the massive suffering, both in terms of death and illness and also economic suffering, but I think the prolonged lockdown made a lot of people slow down and re-evaluate their life choices (or lack of same). And I think that wiped away a lot of illusions about how some of the common assumptions we have for how life has to be is really the best approach, or even equally good for everyone. I've seen a lot of my male friends say they're suddenly much less blind to what their wives have to deal with regarding balancing childcare and domestic expectations and a professional life... just because they saw them doing it across the table from them. Or to take another example, as much a nightmare as zoom-school is, I think it has a lot of families asking if the assembly-line model of American schooling is really the best approach and what more customizable or individualized schooling might look like. And just because we've all been going through hard times together, I think there's a lot more awareness of how precarious life is for the American poor, how hard they work and how depenedent they are, but not because they're bad people. Just because society isn't looking out for them.

Not suggesting everyone is reached, by a long shot. But I think a lot of the reachables, good-hearted and fair-minded people who through inertia or just general business are a bit blinded to these needs, have been much more reached this last year than they usually are; and I see a lot of these kinds of people looking for creative solutions. At least they're admitting there's a problem. This makes me optimistic for 2021.

Politically, Biden isn't everything I'd hope for, but he's so far better than the White House's current occupant. He is someone I see people representing my interests being able to work with. And he plays by the usual rules, which has all kinds of normal problems and biases but is worlds better than the current exercise in raw power and avarice and shamelessness. So while there's doubtless loads of work to do, as an American I'm finally seeing a landscape where we can at least start doing that work.

Poor people are still poor- arguably poorer- but we're also recognizing instacart delivery-men and Walmart cashiers as essential workers. We're also much more aware of how interconnected we all are. Can you imagine that before 2020? And obviously that's a cheap way to get out of actually protecting them, but rhetoric matters.

As do stories. I think like a lot of people are more aware of how important stories are, not because we need to be entertained but because it's so deeply human. I'm thinking about how American society talks about humanities and other story-driven kinds of study as "less" than scientific or career-oriented one; well, we were all touchstarved and depressed and facing a kind of angst in the true sense of the word, and so many of us turned to our stories. I think at a deep level, a lot of people are more reminded of why that's so important to us.

I'd love to hear what makes you optimistic for 2021 too, if you have anything you'd like to add.
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Amazon came through with the Christmas cards and a new thick pen so I can address envelopes without my hand cramping. They're mass produced and not fannish, but actually very pretty. I'm thinking I might tape a blank one up on my own wall, right above the much sought-after Decembear calendar, for a bit of holiday cheer.

(We had a Decembear calendar when I was a kid. Each day a little cloth-and-felt-stuffed bear moves around the house looking in a different place for Christmas. Kind of like an advent calendar but without the chocolate. Sis got the original when we all grew up because she was the first with a house with the space to decorate. It's very cute and nostalgic, but also not being sold new any more and incredibly overpriced on eBay and the like. This year I lucked out after years of scouring and bidding, and landed one that was only moderately overpriced. At this point I'll take it and be glad of the privilege.)

So this weekend I plan to sit down with some artificial apple cider --the cheap little packets you add hot water to, but still-- maybe some ginger snaps, and address envelopes to my heart's content. If you'd like one and haven't already please PM or email me (marta-dot-fandom-at-gmail-dot-com).

Also, anyone know of any good Hallmark-style Xmas movies, for those of us without the Hallmark channel? Something on Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Prime or the like? I'm in the mood.

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If you're like me this week you'll be feeling a lot of pressure to be thankful and, 2020 being 2020, well. Maybe this will helps, and even if you didn't need it, couldn't we all use a cute kitty marching band in our lives?

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And in case I don't say it: happy turkey day.

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